I had an amazing phone call today with someone I consider as a mentor. It is a relationship that spawned from a professional connection while he was with a consultancy that was helping me with salesforce projects and process improvements. From day one working with this gentleman I knew he was special. Our relationship grew as we worked on and completed projects over the years. While we never met in person I felt as if we were long lost friends. The ease of conversation and patience he displayed when working with me (a super extreme high expectation having mad man) was incredible to say the least. We have since moved on to different roles and companies, but to this day I lean on him to guide me and be a sounding board. I am so humbled and grateful to have met him and I am shocked that he continues to answer my texts and calls even though it is a constant state of asking and never a giving scenario on my part. I wish it was otherwise, but many times with the mentee / mentor relationship there is not much to give your mentor other than thanks, acknowledgement, and praise for all the help they give us as the mentees. I would certainly not be where I am today if not for this man and I am hopeful that those of you reading this will thank your mentors and think about taking on someone to mentor yourself. This life is all about making a positive impact, and helping someone else is the greatest way I can think of to improve the lives of others. We are in this world together, like it or not, so make a difference and be the change you want to see in the world. Thanks for all you have done for me David. I cherish our relationship in a way you could not possibly ever know, but this is a taste.
I am making some major moves in my life and while most are not supportive and question my moves I have to keep a strong mind and focus on my constant movement towards my goals. It does not have to be massive action or large steps, but it does need to be constant, like the swimming shark. Even if it is only a single step or goal each day that take me closer is all I need to feed my mind and create this sense of confidence in my actions. Do not be afraid to chase a dream or to shake off the current paradigm if you are living a substandard life. Do what lights you up and makes you feel alive. Energy creates energy and happiness creates happiness so make the decision to do the things that make you happy. There is always doubt and haters along the way. Except them for being who they are. Do your best not to judge, but instead ask questions if it challenges your way of thinking. Seek understanding before making a decision or passing judgement. Both you and the other will be happier for it. This was all I had on my mind today and I wanted to share in the event it could help anyone else that is struggling with making a hard choice.
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
Here are my views:
I have struggled in the past with trying to make everyone happy or maybe more familiar I had a hard time telling people no. These are problems because we 1. can not control the happiness of someone else. 2. I believe happiness is a choice. (yes I know what you are thinking, hogwash!) While external stimulus does result in an emotional response, that response is still based on how that person interprets the stimulus. Its memories and past experiences and how we define them that creates the present stimulus and how it makes us feel. There is also the idea of transformational vocabulary. The words we use say a lot about us as a person. The words we use the most generally show up in how we feel most often. If you are always complaining and mad at others you tend to stay in a state of anger. Let all that go, choose your words wisely and keep in mind that you can change your mood in seconds. Just think about the things that bring you joy, close your eyes and see the things that make you happy. It takes practice to create these new neural pathways, but if it does not challenge us, it will not change us.
What I heard from Christine Hassler:
- Expectation to get back what you give…recipe for failure. Don’t give to get.
- Stop giving to others and start giving to yourself. Do not wait for others to give to you, give yourself what you are longing for. Work on self love.
- Don’t give for selfish reasons, stop keeping score.
- If it makes you feel negative that is an alert from your brain trying to tell you that what you are doing needs to be reviewed for intention.
- Only you can heal your past hurts/pain.
And a wonderful write up that begins with this quote:
“One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly okay.” ~Unknown
This is the last day of my gratitude challenge but I do not plan on stop being grateful…I simple won’t be using this platform to record and journal my every day reflections. For this final entry I was going to write only about my gratitude for mothers, but on my way into work I realize I am actually grateful for everything. That might sound ridiculous, but when I was soul searching in the car I realized that there is something to be learned in all things. Why many times it is hard to remove the emotion tied to the events, the events themselves have something to teach us. I have learned so much in the last 30 days alone. From seeing loved ones losing loved ones, from constantly challenging myself to search for deeper meaning, trying to accomplish so much in so little time. I feel like perhaps I was finally awoken to the world around me. I wish I could have experienced this at a younger age. If only we could control our timelines. If I had this thirst for knowledge and self improvement in my high school years my life would have taken a drastically different path. But that is the case with every choice we make, if you believe in free will, and as we continue on our path we must stay focused on what is and will serve us most fully. Question everyday what it is that we want. What is are true calling. By asking these questions and being mindful the answers will come, but we must be patient. Thanks to all of you that have touched my life. I am eternally grateful for all of the experiences to date and welcome those to come. Peace in abundance.
So my original entry was going to be on mothers. I am so amazed by this relationship and when I drop my expectations of what the relationship should be to my mind I can see it for its true beauty. It is the definition of love, at least the worldly definition of love. I see this not only in my own mother, but in almost all mothers I encounter. Please show appreciation not only to your mother but all who play this role. It is not an easy one and demands so much, yet they continue on with love, joy, compassion, and a true sense of giving. Nobody is perfect, but if we are giving out first place ribbons mine is reserved for my mother.
This is my second to last gratitude challenge that I will be posting on a normal cadence, but I am keeping a BAGELS daily journal that will contain my feelings and thoughts of gratitude daily. For those of you that are not familiar with BAGEL journaling:
- B: Behavior – What behavior did you have yesterday and how did that work out for you?
- A: Attitude – What attitude did you have yesterday and did it serve you?
- G: Goals – What goals do you have for yourself today? Work, Family, Spiritual etc?
- E: Evaluation – I grade my previous day here and give reasons for the grade. I have yet to have an A day but I did get a B+…I am a very hard self critic.
- L: Lessons – What lessons did you learn from the previous day?
- S: Success – What success did you have yesterday, did you complete the goals you set for yourself, did you win the day?
So my gratitude from yesterday and this morning is about new starts, new days, and the resets. I am happy that we do not have to live in our past, that we have our present day and our futures still in front of us. If yesterday did not work out so well, learn from it, refuse to repeat it, and set your focus on your goals. The windshield is large and the rear view mirror is small…this is not a coincidence.
On this day I am grateful for dreams and goals. I love having something to chase, moving towards a better me, and making improvements on myself. While I am currently in this state of uncertainty I am working on my calmness and ability to relax. I am taking actionable steps each day as it pertains to increasing my human capital, social network, tangible and marketable skills, and working on my faith and meditation practices. I have the goal of becoming more balanced in all aspects of life. I tend to be stuck in the extremes and now have a goal of living in moderation. I have the goal of enjoying more of the present vs chasing a future or running away from a past. Clearly this is no easy task, but the journey is a welcomed one. If anyone out there has experience to offer or would like to either have my support for their journey or support me on mine please drop me a line. Until next time, peace in abundance.
Today on this raining Monday as I write of my focused gratitude from the Sunday that just passed, I can say that silence is something I am very grateful for. I had a lot of time to myself and while I did not fully take advantage of my time it was good for me to do some soul searching. I did both physical and mental decluttering which was hard but needed and resulted in exhaustion and a midday nap. After waking I felt new and refreshed. I am grateful that I can enjoy the silence. I know many that struggle with being alone but it is very important we become comfortable with ourselves so that others can become comfortable with us as well.
My gratitude journal is getting more difficult as the days progress and perhaps that is the point. Anything is easy if you only need to do it once or a few times. It is the routine and creating of a new habit that takes the real effort. Yesterday I went to a wake, which is plenty of reason alone to be grateful that I have another day. Sadly the wake was for a co-workers younger son, 32 I believe, and this co-worker is like my office mother. She is nothing but light, love, and joy. When I embraced her at the funeral home I wept, and I lost control of my emotions as I felt the sorrow of this loss. I suppose I am grateful that I can be there for someone else. I like to give and to help someone that is in a moment of need. It puts things into perspective for me which I all to often lose sight of. The exercise for today will be to give and judge nothing that occurs. These are part of my morning meditation with Deepak. Give & Judge Nothing That Occurs
If you need a reset I suggest giving this 11 minute guided meditation a shot with an open heart and mind. Peace in abundance!
I have gratitude for pain, for the sour, and for the hardship. For without these things, the pleasure, sweet, and achievements would not be as meaningful. I want to bring attention to the fact that we all need a struggle. There is a need to achieve and to have a goal. I believe that once people achieve all they set out to accomplish they become lost. The person that attains wealth and fame and then commits suicide because they are still unhappy and realize that they have it all but still have this feeling of emptiness is very real and it breaks my heart. Therefore today’s focus is on enjoying my journey and embracing the struggle. And once I hit milestones or reach a piece of the goal I will celebrate like Kool & The Gang! Celebration